1. Start with an open question
You might say: “What happened, and what would be helpful right now?” Let the person explain in their own words. Interrupt only when a payment in progress or an immediate threat needs attention. Avoid questions that contain a verdict, such as asking how anyone could have believed the message.
Australia’s Scamwatch explicitly recommends a supportive, non-judgemental approach. That is not a conversation technique with guaranteed results. You can listen and make help available; the person still chooses how much they want to discuss and at what pace.
2. Separate known facts from assumptions
Work through the actions separately: was a message read, a link opened, information entered, software installed or money sent? With permission, note the time, service involved and action taken. Nobody needs to dictate passwords, verification codes or full account details to you for this purpose.
An unfamiliar sender does not by itself prove that an account was accessed. Equally, a familiar-looking message does not establish that a payment request was genuine. Mark unresolved points as “not yet known”. A short factual timeline can make a later conversation with a bank, platform or technical adviser more useful.
3. Arrange urgent help together
If money was sent, the person should contact their bank or payment provider promptly through an independently known route and ask what options are available. Recovery cannot be promised. If login information was disclosed, use the affected service’s official recovery or security process to secure the account.
Offer to locate the official contact route or take notes while the person speaks. They can remain in charge of the conversation and decisions. Threats or immediate danger call for appropriate local professional or police assistance; a discussion within the family is not sufficient in that situation.
4. A fictional example of practical support
Fictional example: Marta entered her card details after receiving what appeared to be a delivery message. Her brother says: “Shall we find your bank’s official contact details first? You could call while I write down the timeline.” Marta agrees. They preserve the message privately instead of forwarding it to the family chat.
Her brother does not take permanent control of her account or phone. Later, he asks whether she would like help drafting a short warning that leaves out personal information. This illustrates one possible way to divide tasks; it is not evidence that this approach will always prevent a loss.
5. Set boundaries and leave the door open
Common mistakes include turning the conversation into an interrogation, telling the whole family without asking and demanding to inspect every future message. Even a well-meant public warning can expose private events. Agree on a specific next check-in and one manageable task instead.
Be cautious about unsolicited offers to recover lost money in exchange for an upfront fee. If distress continues, qualified support services may help. This article does not replace individual psychological, legal or financial advice. For today, aim for a documented next step that the affected person has agreed to.
Your checklist
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Common questions
What can I say if the person feels ashamed?
Thank them for trusting you and offer one specific, limited form of help. Avoid a lecture about what they should have spotted beforehand.
May I inspect their account without asking?
Being family does not itself provide permission. Agree which information you will look at together. Special legal authority or immediate danger needs separate professional consideration.
What if they decline help?
Explain your specific concern calmly and leave the offer open. Seek appropriate professional assistance for immediate danger; do not force access during an ordinary conversation.
Sources and further information
Primary sources from public authorities, consumer organisations and providers. A source may be in another language; follow the guidance that applies to your service and where you live.
- Scamwatch: Help someone who is being scammedSource review date:
- FTC: What to do if you were scammedSource review date:
